Noisy Cough

Dear Dilemma Schmelemma,
I know that it is rude to talk during a movie. But the other day, I had a bad cough, and while I kept it under control, I did have to cough out loud once. It wasn't like I spoiled the movie or anything. I know it could be annoying to others, but was it really so bad that it warranted the guy behind me to get an usher to ask me to get a drink of water?

Scratchy in Sascatchewan

Dear Scratcy,

Well, let me put it this way. You could have bought an overpriced softdrink (which I often hear slurping) but it wouldn't likely help your throat. Perhaps some popcorn (which I often hear crunching) would keep your mind away from the scratchiness, but I doubt it. You might have bought some hard candy (which I hear people sucking on) and that probably would have helped.

C'mon what's $14.95 to cure a cough anyway?

Next time smuggle a bottle of water with you, or better some cough drops. You can dump the water and throw the cough drops at the jerk sitting behind you.

Wedding Gift

Dear Dilemma Schmelemma,

I am a graduate student on a tight budget. A friend of mine has invited me to her wedding. She is not that close of a friend, but close enough that I want to attend. I'm not sure how much to spend on a gift, or what sort to buy. What should I do?

Unsure in Utah

Haven't you ever heard of a registry? It's this awesome list where the happy couples list all the crap that they want from Bed Bath & Beyond. I say you just get them the cheapest thing off that list, so it looks like you actually care what they want. Then go to the bookstore at whatever school you're at... and buy them each a sweatshirt that says "GO Broncos/Tigers/Fireman/other-lame-mascot" so they NEVER forget that YOU were at the wedding. They'll forget who got them a blender, and who got them the duvet cover... but they'll ALWAYS remember your personalized gift.

If you need to pinch a few more pennies than that, skip the registry and matching sweatshirts. Just get one tshirt - baby-sized. They'll get the hint... that you'll be outta school by the time they get to havin' kids, so they can expect real presents when you finally have a job.